To the Fade and Back
by Clever Fox Hound
Summary: Cassia Hawke has lost everything, her family and soon to be her mind. With the wound of her Mother being murdered fresh in her mind, Cassia is distracted and being "tormented" in the Fade by dreams of two of her comrades. Tough, stubborn, and roguish how is Cassia going to save her mind and body?
1. Maker's Breath

_Arms circled themselves tight around her slim waist, holding her protectively._

"_Mmm…" a soft moan of appreciation came from her lips as she leaned back into the strong chest of the man behind her. The feeling of being protected, safe none the less was something that Cassia Hawke was normally providing for her family and comrades when needed._

"_Hawke…Cassia..."_

_A familiar brogue whispered in her ear causing a breathy sigh to come from her lips, her friend, comrade Sebastian had his arms wrapped tightly around her pressing himself against her._

"_My beautiful queen…" Sebastian whispered again his brogue deeper than usual._

"_Sebastian," Cassia whimpered wantoningly._

"_No matter how many times you say it, I love it when you say my name...again Cassia," _

"_Sebastian…" Cassia repeated as she heard the man behind her groan in need. Sebastian's hands began to gently caress her exposed thighs and made their way painstakingly slow up towards her barely covered perky breasts._

_The lust swirling in Cassia's mind and the jolts of need in her body was on the verge of clouding her mind, all she could think about was the man caressing her body. Drawn from her thoughts a whimper escaped her lips as she felt Sebastian's lips travel from her earlobe to the crook of her neck. His tan square tipped fingers languidly running over her thighs , greedily groping her breasts._

"_Sebastian...the Chantry-"_

"_What would a King of Starkhaven need for the Chantry when his goddess is before him?" Sebastian replied his brogue thick. Sebastian nipped at the crook of her neck eliciting a moan from her lips._

"_Sebastian-!"_

* * *

"Bloody Hell!" Cassia shouted as she shot up and out of bed. As quickly as she stood, and stumbled over her own feet crashing into her book case causing books to fall around her. A grunt came from her as she collapsed to her knees.

"Maker's breath...Hawke what the hell was that?"

Cassia held her head as she looked for the source of the voice, It was Anders and of course he had a worried look on his face.

"The graceful Hawke...stumbling over her own feet like a newborn calf...let's get you back in bed," Anders said as he approached her ,carefully helping her to her feet and back into bed.

"Anders…?" Cassia said confused.

"Anders? What happened?"

"To put it simply you were knocked unconscious," Anders replied as he gave her a glass of water.

"Please, I am not in the mood for jests Anders. I can barely register what is going on," Cassia grimaced before downing her cup of water.

"I'm not, that's why your head feels like it's splitting open...I healed you and luckily there isn't a scar...but you should stay in bed until you're able to...walk…" Anders trailed off.

Cassia Hawke grimaced as she looked over to Anders, the bump and the pain was definitely real as she gingerly poked around the small bump.

"I know this probably isn't the right time to ask...but...are you...feeling well...I mean...in your head?" Anders asked.

"What?" Cassia asked

"For you to freeze like that in battle and to be knocked unconscious...there's something wrong Hawke," Anders said concerned.

"I...I'm fine besides the headache...it just wasn't my day...you know we all have those days," Cassia replied casually.

Anders looked silently at Cassia as Justice spoke to him, brushing Justice aside Anders looked concerned at Cassia but knew that she would never confide in him or anyone else for that matter. Clearing his throat he picked up his staff and moved towards the door.

"I'll give instructions to Orana and Bodahn alright?" Anders said.

"Don't try to get up and move around quickly...just...recover ok?" The man sighed as he left from her chambers conflicted on what to do for her.

Cassia continued to sit up in her bed staring into nothing as the fire crackled in the hearth adjacent to her bed. She looked at her hands and legs, and grimaced again. The blow to the head would be the 10th injury this week, too many injuries to not take notice. Was she losing her touch on her skills as a rogue and was paying for it with her body?

"Maker...what am I doing to myself?" Cassia whispered as she buried her face into her hands.

* * *

"_Hawke…" the deep voice flooded her mind causing her eyes to open to be met with vibrant green eyes._

"_Fenris-" Cassia replied breathless as she looked back into Fenris' deep emerald eyes._

"_My dreams and thoughts have been plagued by your breathless moans, the look of desire in your eyes...my patience has run thin Hawke…" Fenris said his voice heavy with lust._

"_Fen-" Cassia started._

"_No. No more words Hawke," Fenris said and pressed his lips hard on to Cassia, their teeth hitting against each others. Fenris pressed his body against Cassia pinning her to the wall, pressing his need against her lower abdomen._

"_Fe-" Cassia tried calling out to him again._

_Fenris growled as he suddenly lifted her from the ground and forcibly wrapped her legs around his slim waist._

"_Hawke…" Fenris growled deeply as he pressed himself against her again and captured her lips._

* * *

Once again Cassia awoke with a start, this time staying in bed. Groaning Cassia rolled over and covered her head with the deep crimson quilt blocking the rays of light that permeated through the cracks of the tapestry.

A dream about Sebastian, and a dream about Fenris, two of the comrades she held close to her heart. Cassia was beginning to think that someone was playing a sick joke on her with a Desire Demon, she made a mental note to ask Merrill and Anders about hexes on her.

Grumbling Cassia sat up in her bed and looked around, her mind was blank as she tried to remember the days she had been isolated in her room. Half eaten pieces of bread sat next to her bed and yet her room was immaculate. Cassia smiled to herself as she realized that Orana had been taking care of her as Anders instructed her to.

"How long has it been?" Cassia said to herself as she began to scoot from her bed. Stretching, Cassia moved towards the large window that was hidden by As Cassia stood from her bed she hear light shuffling outside of her door.

"Lady Hawke?"

"Orana dear...come in," Cassia said and stretched, her body ached from laying in bed for however many days, she couldn't remember. Cassia's pale emerald eyes focused on the frail female elf that made her way into Cassia's chambers and watched her begin her daily routine of preparing for Cassia's daily adventures.

"Lady Hawke I have already prepared a bath for you, and laid out your normal wear," Orana said as she gather the blankets and sheet from the bed.

"Wonderful, and messages?" Cassia asked as she slowly ran ther hand through her dark tresses gently touching where the bump was located.

"Yes Lady Hawke. Four days, three nights worth of messages," Orana replied simply as she made her way towards the discarded dishes. Cassia looked around her chambers letting the days she missed sink in and attempt to remember those days.

"Four days, three nights..." Cassia trailed off.

"You are going out Lady Hawke?"

"Yes, and yes I will be careful," Cassia replied and started towards the door.

"Also Orana you don't have to be so formal. Call me Cassia ok?" Cassia said before she left. Orana remained quiet as she watched Cassia disappear from the room.

"Alright Lady Cassia," Orana said Smiling to herself she continued cleaning.

Cassia dried her hair as she looked at the mountain of messages and invitations for meetings at several homes in Hightown, being the Champion of Kirkwall had it's perks.

Thoughts of her previous adventures with her comrades came to her as she looked at requests to deal with bandits, blood mages and more. The feeling of her leathers around her skin gave her goose bumps and filled her with excitement even her blasted breast band contributed to her excitement, but she knew that today would be a day to readjust herself to Kirkwall and everyone again.

Cassia picked up a small note and immediately recognized the handwriting. Elaborate curvature and crisp letters. Handwriting of a noble, Sebastian Vael to be exact.

"Sebastian?" Cassia said confused as she began to read the note.

_Hawke, I hope what may ail you leaves you quickly. Orana told me that you were calling out for me one night…I apologize for not coming to your side._

_I know the Maker will keep you in his grace and I will continue to pray for your quick recovery._

_Sebastian Vael_

Cassia dropped the note as her ears began to burn in embarrassment.

"Orana!" Cassia shouted her face a bright red.


	2. Andraste's Preservance

Varric looked around the semi bustling life at the Hanged Man from his usual spot, sighing he leaned back into his chair.

"Ah nug shit," Varric said under his breath. The thoughts of Cassia being injured captured his mind once again. Of course he had been there when it happened, but the injury itself is what made him cringe and worry for the young woman.

It had been four days and three nights since he had seen Cassia, even though he wouldn't admit it he was becoming worried about the woman. What was keeping him from visiting her at her home was the fact that he knew that Anders would take good care of her and she would be in top shape the next day, but she did not appear the next day, or the day after that.

"The man worships her of course he would take good care of her," Varric said to himself .

Varric's creative mind wandered to the time when he saw Cassia freeze with her daggers in her hand ready to fight, but didn't move.

That's when he saw it, she was shaking in fear.

"Maybe she needs more time…"Varric trailed off.

"Varric!"

Slightly jumping Varric's ears honed in on the familiar voice that called out to him, it was Cassia.

"Ears don't fail me now...is the Cassia Hawke I hear?" Varric asked surprised.

"That you do my wonderful companion," Cassia said as she stepped onto the last stair.

"Well this would be a good tale to tell, the ever graceful Hawke rising from the dead! Andraste's tits Hawke last time I saw you, you were being carried off by Choir-Boy,"Varric joked.

"Oh you jest!" Cassia said as she sat across from Varric, a smirk on her lips.

"At least you still have that smirk and wonderful sarcasm," Varric commented.

"Of course," Cassia replied as she sat down in front of Varric.

"What can I do for you Hawke? Or better yet what sorts of trouble will we get into today?" Varric smirked.

"No trouble… at least not yet,"Cassia started, her trademark smirk on her lips.

"Naturally," Varric replied and waited for her to continue.

"Hmmm I need you to tell what happened during the raid of the bandit's den. No embellishments," Cassia said her usual smug look had turned serious.

"Woah Hawke you're scaring me,"

"I know you don't see my serious face often...but this is my serious face," Cassia said and intertwined her fingers.

"Well Hawke if you put it that way...I just want you to know that you haven't been yourself since...well...you know…" Varric trailed off.

"Since?" Cassia asked.

"The death of your mother," Varric replied.

Cassia looked away from Varric instantly realizing she had let her personal matters get involved with their quests. Something she swore she wouldn't do after Bethany was taken away to the Grey Wardens. The injuries were proof that it was effecting her when the time needed her rogue skills to deal with the situation.

"I just probably just had a lapse," Cassia said as she regained her smug look and leaned back in her chair.

"Yeah...sure…," Varric replied as his mind quickly wandered off to the moment she spared his own brother's life over the red lyrium idol.

"So...I was knocked unconscious...hmmm I do hope you don't plan to use this in one of your tales Varric," Cassia said feigning concern.

"The graceful Hawke being felled by a bandit? Not in my book," Varric replied.

"Maybe falling into the arms of well known Chantry brother though…"

Cassia let out a feminine laugh and leaned on to the table.

"I'm sure the Chantry brother would be thrilled to have an ex-smuggler for a lover," Cassia chuckled as did Varric.

"You laugh...but you know your good ole' pal Varric can see through you. I can see when there's good writing material and more," Varric added.

"I'll make sure to take a gander at it when you draft it," Cassia chuckled as she brushed off Varric's attempt to tease her.

"Speaking of writing material...Choir-Boy was deathly worried about you. He protected you as Anders and I took out the rest of the bandits...it tugged on my heart strings," Varric chuckled.

Cassia's mind flashed back to the dream about Sebastian instantly her ears began to burn red hot.

"Hmm...maybe I'll pay him a visit...I suppose I should thank my knight in white shining armor," Cassia smirked trying to regain her cool.

"I would love to hear about and write about it Hawke," Varric said as he watched Hawke seemingly skip out of the Hanged Man. He chuckled to himself and smiled, she was back to her old self, at least it looked like she was.

* * *

"Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peace keepers, the champions-"

"Of the just," Cassia said as she approached Sebastian with this head bowed in front of an Andraste's statue.

"Hawke? I did not hear you approach," Sebastian said surprised.

"Well hello to you Sebastian," Cassia said and smirked.

"Thank the Maker, you are well," Sebastian said and smiled. Cassia's heart skipped a beat as she looked at Sebastian's smile. Biting her tongue in defiance of her mind reminding her of the dream she had prior night, she forced a smile.

"Thank you for your concern Seb," Cassia said and turned her eyes elsewhere as her ears were turning red. Sebastian noticed Hawke's shy like behavior and quickly glanced her over.

"How are you feeling?" Sebastian asked breaking the silence and to keep himself from staring at Hawke's tight leathers that encased her thighs.

"I am doing well...I suppose you should give Anders more credit," Cassia replied.

"I shall think upon that and allow the Maker to make that decision for me," Sebastian replied.

"Let the Maker decide? How are you going to reclaim Starkhaven with a mindset like that?" Cassia asked and innocently tilted her head placing a finger on her lips.

"Reclaim Starkhaven…" Sebastian repeated.

"Of course Sebastian," Cassia replied.

Reclaiming Starkhaven. Sebastian had mentioned when she had first met him, something he wanted dearly to happen. He knew that Cassia supported the idea of reclaiming what was rightfully his, she was the one to fulfill his request and help keep his desire fueled. He knew that as well as she did.

Sebastian glanced at Hawke as she looked at him, her pale green orbs fixed on him, waiting for a reply. He knew that she knew she had struck a chord in him. Unfortunately she knew how to press his buttons to get a reaction from him. Many times he yearned to see Starkhaven, but Starkhaven and his family's death was far from his current life in the Chantry.

"Seeing how things are now...it seems like the Maker has plans for me in the Chantry…" Sebastian trailed off knowing that reclaiming Starkhaven is in his heart and would never fade. Cassia huffed and hooked her arms underneath her breasts accentuating them even with her breast band. Sebastian glanced at her breasts and quickly looked away only to glance again. Cassia smirked and leaned forward making sure her voice wouldn't travel.

"If you want to see how big they are we can go to your room **Sebastian**," Cassia whispered making sure to emphasize his name.

"Maker...Hawke your flirtations knows no bounds do they?" Sebastian said in hushed tones successfully masking the delicious thrill of seeing Hawke nude.

"A tease a day makes my day," Cassia chuckled as she turned away.

"I'll come get you when I make a move alright Seb," Cassia said as she walked away.

"A-Alright…" Sebastian said as he watched her saunter away from him.

The carnal thoughts of Hawke rampaged through his mind. Thoughts that made him spend hours repenting in front of Andraste's statute, thoughts that had him aching in his cot at night. Sebastian ghosted a hand through his red hair and sighed. Verses of the chant began to come from his lips to calm himself as he walked down the halls of the Chantry.

"Andraste preserve me," Sebastian said bitterly. His mind betraying him.


	3. Dalish lore

The sun had already set when Cassia made her way to Merrill's home. After checking in on Aveline, Anders and attempting to find Isabela her last stop was in the Elven Alienage. She had wanted to make sure that Merrill was alive and well.

Cassia sighed as she stood in front of the door and prepared herself for any issues that may have surfaced. Merrill was so small, lithe and frail looking that worried Cassia to no end. Granted she was a mage, but still she was naïve.

_Knock Knock!_

"Merrill it's me Haw-" Cassia started when the door swung open and almost tackled Cassia to the ground.

"Hawke!" Merrill squeaked as she held on to the taller woman.

"M-Merrill! Calm down!" Cassia started.

"I'm sorry!" Merrill said and quickly let go of her. Merrill's cheeks were tinted a light pink as she looked at Cassia.

"I heard about your injury and visited a few times...but you were sleeping. Did you like the tea Orana gave you?" Merrill asked.

"You're the one who made the tea? It was awful I had to use honey," Cassia replied

"You aren't going to get any better if you keep dousing my medicinal herb teas in honey Hawke," Merrill said as she walked into her home, Cassia followed her and closed the door.

Hours seemed to pass as Cassia talked to Merrill about her time with Dalish and it's lore, something Cassia was fascinated by.

"That's fascinating...it makes me want to look for more relics," Cassia said as she straightened herself from the table she was leaning on.

"Please do I would love to study them," Merrill said.

"Only if you don't accidentally summon a demon," Cassia said firmly.

"I told you it was not on purpose," Merrill responded firmly.

Cassia remembered the time herself, Sebastian, Merrill, and Isabela went to retrieve the Eluvian Mirror. Merrill's presence somehow triggered the dark magic within the mirror and summoned a demon. Isabela casually cursed her as she laughed once returning to Kirkwall, Sebastian prayed for several hours in the Chantry as Merrill happily walked off with the Eluvian to her humble home.

"Alright, Alright, I'm going home it's late," Cassia said as she stood up, knowing the conversation had turned sour by mentioning demons and the Eluvian mirror in the same sentence.

"Alright Cassia," Merrill replied as she stood up with the empty tea cups. Cassia stood and walked towards the dark Eluvian.

The mirror stood silent and the glass black, Cassia wondered what it led to and if it was connected to the fade. Not being able to sense any magic coming from the mirror she looked behind the mirror placing her hand on the darken glass.

"Hey Merrill, have you been able to get the Eluvian to work?" Cassia said as she glanced behind the mirror.

"Not yet. I have been searching for tomes on it and I have not been able to find any in Kirkwall," Merrill replied from her small makeshift kitchen. Cassia straightened herself and looked into the mirror again, and saw her reflection.

"W-What?" Cassia said as she stepped back away from the mirror.

The reflection in the mirror sluggishly mimicked her movements and vanished. Cassia's senses screamed danger. Sensing an familiar pull of the fade Cassia continued to back away from the Eluvian.

As a child when Cassia and her siblings played occasionally there would be times where Bethany's magic slipped from her fingertips on accident, every time Cassia felt a slight jerk of the veil, the same pull the Eluvian gave off.

"Um…" Cassia said as continued to look at Eluvian.

"Yes?" Merrill said as she stood next to Cassia's side.

"I think I need to clean my eyes...I just saw my reflection in the Eluvian," Cassia said never taking her eyes off the Eluvian.

"Oh silly Hawke you can't wash your eyes...and the Eluvian is broken," Merrill replied and waved her hand in front of it to emphasize the lack of reflection.

"...Yes...you're right...maybe I'm still recovering…" Cassia said as she turned away from the mirror, rubbing her forehead. She could feel a headache coming over her.

"Make sure you get rest Hawke! We can't have you seeing illusions!" Merrill said with enthusiasm.

"Good night," Cassia said and exited Merrill's home.

_"Good Night!"_

Cassia walked silently through the night taking note of the shadows. She was more than capable of handling herself, but this night it was quiet.

No bandits, or sights of drunken sexual encounters in the streets. Silence and the bright light of the moon illuminating over her.

The quietness of the night allowed for her mind to wander off to Eluvian. Seeing her reflection in a broken mirror did not bode well, granted the mirror showed her reflection for a split moment and it wasn't demonic looking, it just confused her.

Why did it just show her reflection and not Merrill's ? What did it mean?

Finally reaching her home in Hightown she banished the thought of the Eluvian from her mind and focused on a hot bath.

* * *

"Are you sure this is wise Hawke?" Fenris asked as he stoically looked over the woman lounging on his chair. Cassia pouted and crossed her arms.

"You've never disagreed with me before Fen-Fen," Cassia replied calling him a pet name that Isabela called him one night at the Hanged Man.

Fenris sighed and crossed his arms as well. Since chasing his old master from Kirkwall and killing Hadrianna, Fenris gave some what loyalty to Hawke when it came to certain things, such as his pet name.

"Do not spout false words Hawke," Fenris commented.

"Oh come on! It would be a thrilling and educational experience," Cassia said as she continued to lounge in a deep chair covered in red plush velvet. Fenris glanced over her long lean legs and noticed how the red velvet looked on her tanned skin.

"About Dalish lore? I see no interest," Fenris replied.

"Bullocks," Cassia huffed.

"I do know tampering with forgotten relics of the Dalish bodes ill winds," Fenris commented.

"I thought you would be more interested in this Fen-Fen…" Cassia trailed off.

"Perhaps you were mistaken this time," Fenris replied smugly. Hawke looked at the taller elf and smirked.

"You're lucky that you are just so charming," Cassia said as she stood from Fenris's chair. A deep chuckle came from Fenris causing delicious chills to run through her body. Cassia froze and trembled.

"Are you alright Hawke?" Fenris asked readying himself if he needed to act.

"I'm just lovely...hahah just a little shaken," Cassia replied.

"Are you sure it is wise of you to explore Dalish ruins if you are shaken?" Fenris asked.

"Fenris I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not," Cassia chuckled.

"I am serious. I would rather for you to be on your two feet instead of your stomach," Fenris replied. A huge smirk appeared on Hawke's lips as she looked over her shoulder at Fenris.

"If you keep talking dirty Fenris I might have to take you up on that challenge,"Cassia chuckled in return Fenris chuckled deeply.

"Oh come on you know the great debate...I'm better than Isabela...I just don't flaunt it like her," Cassia quipped.

"That is an option I have not yet explored...but is more than willing...Hawke," Fenris replied.

In an instant Cassia's cheeks were tinted a rose pink as she realized that Fenris had willingly answered a long unspoken question. The previous dream of the man did not only added to the flustered thoughts that sped through Cassia's mind.

"My my my Fen-Fen you have been around Isabela for far too long," Cassia commented.

"Perhaps," Fenris replied and smirked.

" I think I should go...before things get out of hand," Cassia said as she walked past him towards the foyer.

"Hm," Fenris started.

"Yes?" Cassia asked partially out the door.

"Perhaps I might indulge you on your quest for Elven lore," Fenris started as he approached her.

"Oh? Why the sudden change? You're not trying to get into my pants are you?" Cassia joked.

"If that is what it will lead to I will gladly accept it," Fenris smirked.

"Maker...Fenris…"Cassia nervously laughed.

"and besides...I would prefer that you were not possessed by a blood mage summoning a demon," Fenris added.

"She does not use blood magic," Cassia said firmly.

"Please explain the Eluvian," Fenris replied as firmly as she.

"Do not start Fenris. She has done nothing for you to dislike her," Cassia replied just as firmly.

"Explain the demon from the Eluvian. Explain her blood magic," Fenris growled.

"That demon was an accident, easily attributed to the fact that she is a Dalish mage-" Cassia began.

"Dalish Apostate," Fenris corrected.

"Dalish mage," Cassia replied.

"I am not going to debate with you about this Fenris. You are absolutely horrendous when it comes to this," Cassia said as she clenched her fists.

"You know my view of mages, you know what she has done. Do not act as if she is innocent because she is **not**," Fenris growled.

"Neither are you or myself," Cassia replied firmly and started for the door.

"Hawke-" Fenris started.

"I'm leaving and I'll talk to you when I return," Cassia said and walked out.


	4. Missing

Three days had passed and no word from Hawke, Sebastian was once again starting to worry about their flirtatious champion.

"Your Majesty?"

Sebastian turned around to see Hawke's manservant, Bodhan and his son Sandal walking cautiously towards him.

"Please address me as Sebastian, Bodhan what brings you to the Chantry?" Sebastian corrected the dwarf before continuing.

"Ah yes Messere Sebastian...there is just a slight issue…" Bodhan said in a hushed whisper.

"Go on," Sebastian said hoping that this issue did not include Hawke.

"Our Master Hawke has not returned to abode is three nights worth...we have grown worried about her," Bodhan continued.

"What?" Sebastian hissed.

"What do you mean three nights worth?"

"She mentioned that she would be exploring the nearby forest for Elvhen artifacts with others but did not say who,"

Sebastian clenched his fists as he listened to Bodahn voice his worries about Hawke, she wasn't someone that needed to be protected, but by the Maker he would give his life to protect her if need be. Banishing the worst thoughts his mind could come up with he continued to listen to Bohdan.

"Lady Hawke mentioned that your skills of hunting were top notch, I do believe you can find her Messere Sebastian,"

"Aye. I will find her," Sebastian replied firmly.

Sebastian watched quietly as Bodahn exited quickly from the Chantry, his mind racing with all the worst case scenarios that Hawke could have gotten herself into.

"Why is she researching Elvhen artifacts all of a sudden," Sebastian said quietly as he made his way to his personal chambers.

* * *

Hawke sat on top of a mossy rock in a secluded part of the Planasene Forest as she stared out into the forest.

"Hawke?" The soft rustle of footsteps and the familiar brogue called out to her.

Sebastian noticed a woman sitting on top of a mossy rock almost hidden by the foliage of the overgrown forest. It was her, Hawke, he had found her after three nights of searching for her. He whispered a quick prayer thanking the Maker for finding her in once piece, pushing the brush out of the way he slowly approached her.

"Hawke! There you are what are you doing out here?" Sebastian asked.

"Everyone is worried about you,"

Cassia remained silent as she continued to stare into the distance. Sebastian watched for any movement from the woman sitting in front of him, there was none he couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. Climbing on to the rock she was settled on he moved in front of her.

"Hawke…?" Sebastian started as he cautiously walked in front of her.

Sebastian's heart began to pound quicker in his chest as thoughts of her being dead infiltrated his mind. She had been missing for six nights and the lack of acknowledgement and movement from the woman began to frighten him more.

"Hawke…" Sebastian said again, more urgent for a response. He knelt in front of her, preparing himself for the worst. His heart clenched when he saw her face, her eyes were glazed, bags underneath her eyes. Her skin was dull, her lips were cracked and yet she looked past him still not acknowledging his presence.

"Hawke...sweetling…" Sebastian started with loving words.

"I...Is...this..." Cassia started her voice cracked.

"Yes Sweetling?" Sebastian said softly as he meticulously looked for any sign of distress in her face, there was none, her expression was void of any emotion.

"Sebastian...Is this...I can't…" Cassia started again her sentences broken.

"Sweetling...I can't understand you," Sebastian said and wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and shower her with his love and warmth. Holding himself back he waited for her to speak again.

"Is...this the fade? I...I can't tell anymore...are you a demon in the form of Sebastian…" Cassia said.

"I am real sweetling and you are not in the fade. I can promise you that," Sebastian replied.

"I can't tell the difference anymore,"

"This is the real world Hawke…"

"Father...Carver...Bethany...Mother. I watched them all die in front of me...over and over again," Cassia's voice cracked with distress as tears formed.

Sebastian grabbed the woman's hands instantly noticing how cold they were. Wrapping his hands around hers he began to rub gentle circles into her hands, he felt his heart break as he watched as tears fall from her face into her lap. The woman known as Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall, silently suffering in and out of the Fade. Almost all of her family torn away from her and yet she continued to be selfless and help others while keeping her feelings hidden.

"Sweetling...come with me," Sebastian whispered as he felt her hands warming.

"...please let me die here…" Cassia whispered.

"I cannot let you do that Hawke...I-"Sebastian started.

"Sebastian-"

"Shh lass...come with me…" Sebastian said as he stood. Cassia finally looked at him her eyes red, again Sebastian felt his heart clench again. In one quick movement he had Hawke wrapped in his arms and rained kisses on her forehead.

"I will not leave you here Hawke…"Sebastian said as he felt his voice waver. The woman in his arms began to shake and sob into his embrace.

"I am not leaving you here. I refuse…"

"Sebastian-" Cassia cried.

His heart breaking Sebastian pulled back and tilted Hawke's head up to look at him. Her eyes were closed as the tears slipped from her eyes. Sebastian wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed her, gently and placed his forehead on hers.

"Hawke...will never leave you…" Sebastian whispered in what seemed like a silent prayer. Slowly Sebastian removed his forehead from hers, her head lolled forward.

"Hawke?!" Sebastian shouted.

* * *

"Mm…"

The crackling of fire, and a soft warmth roused Hawke from her sleep. The scent of incense and hints of spices tickled her nose.

"You're awake...good..."

"Seb-…"Hawke choked out.

"Hold on...you need water," Sebastian said as he placed the top of the bottle to her lips. Feeling the cool liquid at her lips, she greedily drank the water.

"Not so fast...don't choke sweetling," Sebastian chuckled as he pulled away the bottle. Licking her lips she looked at Sebastian confused at the name he called her.

"Sweetling?" Cassia asked confused.

"My apologies...I shouldn't have…" Sebastian said his cheeks reddening. Cassia's cheeks turned red as she realized she was nicely settled between Sebastian's legs.

"Sebastian…" Hawke started.

"I found you out here...you've been missing for six days," He replied.

"Six days?" Cassia repeated.

"Aye,"

"I see…" Cassia said as she shifted, sliding herself away a bit. Sebastian's arms held on to her tightly, pulling her back to his chest. They were both wrapped in his coak sitting in front of a fire like a couple out to watch the heavens.

"Are you sure this isn't against your vows Sebastian? Being so close to a woman," Cassia started.

"My vows hm,"Sebastian said under his breath.

"Are you having second thoughts?" Hawke asked.

"The realization of reclaiming Starkhaven has been on my mind since my family was murdered...and to have you remind me of Starkhaven...Aye lass... it has been on my mind for some time…" Sebastian trailed off.

"I see..." Cassia whispered feeling a sense of guilt to make someone so devout second guess himself in the Chantry. Sebastian remained silent as he looked into the fire. It was only when Hawke was dozing off into a light sleep did Sebastian speak.

"I foreswore myself when I swore to avenge my parents...there is no vow to be broken," Sebastian said suddenly.

Cassia lifted her head from his shoulder as she looked at Sebastian in surprise. Sebastian looked at Cassia and gently caressed her cheek.

"Sebastian?" Hawke asked quietly.

"I will reclaim Starkhaven, and to do so I need to be free of the restraints of the Chantry," Sebastian started.

"Wait...what?!" Hawke asked.

"Aye." Sebastian replied with a smirk.

Hawke looked over the man in confusion, he had a sudden change of heart on his vows and Starkhaven all because she reminded him of it.

"Wait are you sure you that you should just cast away the thought of being in the Chantry?" Cassia asked.

"If I am restrained to do what I need to do in order to take back Starkhaven then I should banish the thought entirely... But no. I will reclaim Starkhaven," Sebastian said as he looked into Cassia's eyes. Cassia stared back at him stunned by his new resolve for Starkhaven and leaving the Chantry.

"Seb-" Cassia's voice trailed off as her head began to lull forward. Sebastian reached up and cupped her face.

Cassia looked into Sebastian's eyes feeling light headed and confused at his decisions, her stupor vanished as Sebastian gently tilted her head and slowly placed a gentle almost restrained kiss on her lips. He sighed jaggedly as he placed his forehead on to hers. Cassia could feel Sebastian restraining himself mentally and physically.

"Will...you help me reclaim Starkhaven…" Sebastian asked, his voice almost a whisper.

"Sebastian…" Cassia whispered.

"Please... say yes…" Sebastian trailed off his lips still hovering over hers.

"...I would do...anything you ask of me…" Cassia whispered, her heart pounding in her chest.

Once again Sebastian placed his lips on to hers with more force, more urgent than his first fragile kiss. With what little strength she had she returned his kiss, in hesitation Sebastian pulled back knowing no matter how much his body screamed at him to continue that the woman nestled between his legs was teetering on losing consciousness. With a breathy sigh Cassia allowed herself to sag into Sebastian's arms and warmth.

"Here…" Sebastian said, his voice husky with lust.

"I can't…" Cassia's voice was weak as she spoke, she felt herself slipping back into darkness. A deep rumble of a chuckle came from Sebastian as Hawke's eyes closed again.

"Stay with me Hawke…" Sebastian said as he placed food between her lips. Slowly opening her mouth she accepted the food.

"Can you chew?" He asked, his normal brogue returning.

"mmhmm…"

"When the sun rises...we will start back to Kirkwall…gather as much strength as you can love…you will need it...I can promise you that," Sebastian's words echoed through her mind as she slipped into unconsciousness.


End file.
